About This Blog

This Blog combines my experience as a family lawyer for 10 years, the last three of which I have been a Board Certified Family Law Specialist (certified by the State Bar of California Board of Specialization) with practical, non-computer generated legal information about areas of California family law. That means I cover:

1. California divorce and jurisdiction including “long-arm statutes” and the doctrine of divisible divorce, and how to know in which county to file your divorce.
2. Child custody and visitation issues, including legal custody, physical custody, shared custody orders, abduction orders, supervised visitation, grandparent visitation, types of visitation schedules (2-2-5, alternate weeks, long-distance visitation orders), the horror of the nightly phone call and the increasing problems of the mobile phone. Alienation of children and “Parental Alienation Syndrome,” visitation “gatekeeping,” and religious alienation.
3. Child support. How to get more child support. How to pay less child support. The child support “Dissomaster” variables. (After you read the Dissomaster section, send me an email and I will run a Dissomaster for you for $25 and email it back to you so that you can use it in your case). The hardship deduction for new children. New spouse income.
4. Spousal support. How to get more spousal support. How to pay less spousal support. Gavronwarnings, Gilmoreelections, Richmond
5. Property division. The 3 Property Law Rules. What separate property is. What community property is. Special probate code aside: how to characterize community and separate property for distribution after death and what happens to an asset if you don’t.
6. Reimbursement claims. Watts/Epsteincredits, Family Code 2640, gifts and not-gifts, the problems of transmutations and failed transmutations, and when joint title does not convey half the interest in the home. Why your family Trust is not enough to transmute separate to community property.

In the grand design of this Blog, I will use excerpts from my forthcoming book “Better Divorce: A Handbook for Surviving the Hardest Time in Your Life” to cover major family law topics like those above. It is March 29, 2019 and I expect full build out to take some months. In the meantime, please email me if you have a specific interest in mind and maybe I will have some thoughts to share. The goal of the book and the majority of the legal areas in the Blog is to give you the tools you need to effectively settle your case outside of mediation (more on my views of mediation below). In family law, knowledge is power, whether pushing back on your $550 per hour lawyer (even better, pushing back on your spouse’s $550 per hour lawyer), walking into a settlement conference or standing on your feet in front of a judge.

I also do something that no one else does; I share actual briefs with legal research in a broad array of family law subjects and show you how you can use them in your case. A client might pay $5,000-$10,000 for a well-written and researched brief, but they will be available on this site for $50-$100 apiece. These briefs don’t solve your problems, but they give you a foothold on otherwise difficult arguments.They also do not establish me as your lawyer; you have to view these briefs as legal research done for you and packaged in a way that a judge can understand them. Without engaging me as a consultant on your case or hiring another lawyer or consultant, these are just a way for you to present legal arguments to the court in an understandable way. It’s not that the family law is that hard (although it is complicated), and it is also available to any person to represent themselves, BUT you have to know how to present to a court. That’s the real skill set that lawyers who litigate for a living have developed over time. Remember the adage that my neighbor (a hyper-successful trial lawyer) likes to tell me: “Jude, they will never give it to you unless they know you can take it away from them!” That is the basis of all we do here on this site and in your case. If the other party or their lawyer thinks that you will not be able to take it away from them because you are representing yourself or because you do not know how to ask or you do not know when you’ve won or when you’ve lost, they will never give it to you. I want to teach you how to ask, what to ask for, and when to stop. Then they will know that you can take it away from them. When they know that (if they are rational, which they may or may not be), they are much more likely to give it to you.

Let’s be honest, there is so much bullshit on the internet. I have been up at 3 A.M. as a family law litigant in my own custody case, trying to read everything I can read to figure out how to write and file a brief with the Court. I have read everything out there. With the very rare exceptions of the www.kinseylaw.com blog and www.farzadlaw.com blogs, there is little helpful, factual information out there for the litigant who needs real legal understanding, argument and information but may not have the money to plunk down on a retainer (or who, though they do have the money, smartly want to make sure their lawyer knows what she is talking about). This Blog aims to give you a large amount of this information for free. Take it and use it. Do not go into your case representing yourself without being armed with the type of information you will find here – and if you do not like my style, then, by all means check out either Kinseylaw or Farzadlaw (they do not know me yet, but I do hope to make their acquaintance because I have been reading their blogs for years). The other place to look is at the ACFLS newsletter. Sometimes you can find PDFs of those online – but they are truly written for lawyers and may or may not be helpful to you.

There are two reasons you cannot get helpful information from lawyers’ websites: 1) Lawyers are worried that you will sue them for giving you bad information – that they will write something on the internet, you will use it and then they will get sued for malpractice, even though you have never contracted with them; and 2) Lawyers are afraid if they teach you how to do it, you won’t hire them.

Let me address number 1 as well: Unless you sign a contract with my firm or me directly, I am not your lawyer. You know that already. You don’t need me to say it, but my regulatory agency does need me to say that. I do my best to give you the most updated information possible, but you should always go to Google Scholar/Cases/California Cases and look up the most important cases to make sure there is nothing new that addresses the cases in the briefs. I will put dates on the briefs so that you know how far back to look for changes in the law. The good news is that the law moves very slowly and any changes in the law are likely to be incremental, which means the chances that a brief I wrote in 2017 will have seen major changes in the law in 2019 are very small. Each document I post for purchase and download will be checked before I post it. That said, you must review the caselaw before you use it blindly. I will show you how.

As to number 2, there is an endless amount of work for lawyers. I feel good when I have helped people, even if you don’t buy anything. That said, I think you should buy briefs from me if you are representing yourself. $100 for a brief on Watts/Epstein reimbursements might make you $50,000 in the divorce. Even if you roll the dice and lose, you are out $100. Nothing I or anyone can do can guarantee that you are going to win the most important issues except you settling your case for the thing that you want. The point is that lawyers are not insurance companies and we are not superheroes. I have won issue that law says I should lose and lost issues the law says I should win. You can make the best Watts/Epstein argument in the world and still lose it.  The only thing we know is that if you do not make the argument, you will not win it. Therefore, you must make the argument in court. That disclaimer made, I do not mind sharing information freely and then for the things that were actual work, sometimes dozens of hours of work, I will charge you for 12 minutes of my time for you to download it. I sure hope I sell thousands of these briefs, but even if I sell one, to you, and you use it and win your issue because of it, I will be happy. Going through a divorce is damned difficult; doing it alone is lonely and painful; at least if one person benefits, I will know I helped a brother or sister in need.

Additionally, as to number 2, the reality is that doing family law is hard. The forms are complicated and arcane. The boxes you check have less at stake than the boxes you fail to check. Often, as people get information, they realize that it is worthwhile to hire someone to help them. I am here for you. You can call me. I will consult with you anywhere in the state. In order to do that, I will have a minimum $1,500 consulting fee for 3 hours of my time. You pay the fee online, make an appointment online in the online scheduler or send me an email to [email protected] and we can talk. It’s simple and you control your costs.

I am going to be working on learning how to do video blogging to teach you which forms to get and how to fill them out so that you can watch me choose which forms to fill out and how to do it. I have a forms program that I use called www.lawyaw.com. But you won’t need that. I use it because in my office we process hundreds of forms each year. You will only have the odd dozen or so forms to fill out. These forms are all available in fillable PDF at www.judicialcouncil.org.

The Blog will also cover important but underserved areas, such as how to conduct yourself in court, what to expect, mistakes people make, how to argue your case civilly but with strength in your argument. I will have some lessons on how to draft your own declarations, what to focus on and what to ignore, how long the declaration should be and give you some examples.

Finally, I am available to consult on your case with you. The “retainer” is low. I charge in three hour bocks for consulting at $500 per hour, which means you pay upfront for three hours ($1,500 plus $500 per hour thereafter) and we work together remotely on whatever you need help with. The best use of my time is legal strategy, telling your story through a declaration and helping you analyze legal issues. We spend one hour consulting about the case and then you have three hours of my time to read and review your work, draft a declaration for you or even do “legal counseling” where I listen and help you work through problems.

I really hope this Blog is helpful for your family law needs. I am launching before all of the content is complete because I think that I am best suited for doing that over time. Please leave comments or send me emails with what you are looking for and I will do my best to accommodate you. If you send me an email about your specific case facts, I will likely strip out identifying information and answer the email in FAQ so that it is available for others to review. I hope its obvious why I cannot answer specific questions as to your specific case without being engaged as a consultant/attorney in your case. But, I aim to help, so I will do my best to point you to answers and arguments that will help you.

About Me:

I am less important as a personality than the content of the Blog. That said, you will want to know who I am and that I am not just some random guy posting things on the internet about family law.

I have been a family law litigant and I have been a family law lawyer for ten years. I have been a board certified family law specialist since 2016 (certified by the State Board of Legal Specialization in California). I work in a small city where we regularly try cases of all types. I’ve represented ultra-wealthy families with thousands of acres of ranch and farmland and migrant workers who don’t have legal status in the United States. I’ve done every type of case imaginable: 3 parent families, LGBTQ divorces, domestic violence, child custody move-aways, guardianships, conservatorships, straight asset division, difficult part-separate/part-community property issues, Moore/Marsdenanalyses; Watts/Epsteinanalyses, analyzed pro tanto and reimbursement claims, litigated breaches of fiduciary duties, hidden assets, omitted assets, fought and prosecuted judgment set asides for fraud, perjury, duress and undue influence and litigated transmutation agreements (with and without the “magic words”).

In 2009, when I hung my shingle, family lawyers in my jurisdiction were dividing debt; houses were toxic assets; we worked with the bankruptcy code; people divorced and lived under the same roof because they could not afford to sell their homes or live separately; pensions and 401ks had taken major beatings. I cut my teeth on flat-fee Spanish-speaking custody and child support battles. I fought out business valuations and unvested stock options. I argued over the offspring of separate property horses, divided cattle herds, and figured out the best interests of the dog. I took cases on appeal and took writs up to the appellate court. I’ve won as many as I’ve lost. Actually, maybe I could say that I have “won them all” – family law has a way of making winners (and losers) of everyone.

I’ve made a lot of money but I’ve done a lot of purposeful pro bono work and I’ve also done a lot of accidental pro bono work (the latter by writing off uncollectable fees). I’ve lost horrible cases and won impossible cases. I DO NOT TAKE ANY PRO BONO CASES THAT ARE NOT REFERRED TO ME BY MY REFERRAL SOURCES IN MY COMMUNITY. All of my pro bono work comes from referral sources in my community. That is where I choose to invest my philanthropy. It’s not that I do not believe people need free work in other places. It’s that I am trying to be responsible for the community I live in.  I put that in all caps because I cannot take any additional pro bono work and ask that you respect that and not email me to ask if I will represent you for free. I try to make my fees affordable ($500 per hour is a lot, but a $1,500 consulting package is reasonable and fair).

More than once I’ve walked along Pismo Beach in the middle of a workday and wondered why I bother doing this at all. I have had some great thank-yous and great online reviews that make me seem heroic and I have also had some crappy ones that make me seem like a dolt. I have never spent a dollar on advertising since I bought a misguided yellow pages ad that cost more than my first office rent when I first opened the doors. All of my business comes from referrals from other lawyers, from former clients, even from opposing parties.

I have also been sued. I have dealt with State Bar complaints by unhappy people who didn’t want to pay their bills (which is where most if not all state bar complaints begin). I have paid my employees with a credit card and have had $100,000 paydays.

I cannot get written work done in my office so I normally split my workday up as follows: 8:30 A.M. – 12 P.M. court appearances; 12:30 P.M. – 5 P.M. meet or talk with clients 9:30 P.M. – 2:30 A.M., write and research. I have a “hard” bedtime of 2:30 am to make sure I get 5 hours’ sleep.

It is never slow. I am both an academic high achiever with my law degree and PhD from the University of California, Berkeley and I have an ability to relate to people: clients, lawyers, judges. I am effective at using humor to break down defenses and am never afraid to take a bullet for a client by taking the blame for them. My clients always know that when they are my client I am “in” their case. I know their facts, the legal arguments, the emotional triggers. I strategize them from the first second I meet them. I think about the messaging, the story we are going to tell the court, what their children will say if they are interviewed, how the court will perceive them.

Being a family lawyer is being a story-teller. The moment I meet a client, I am thinking through the strategy and presentation of that client to the Court. Every written word that comes out of my office focuses on this strategy and story that is my client. Every word I speak in court, the tone in my voice, how hard I push back against the judges for bad orders or for good orders that could be better, the way I carry myself on a given case, all of it is with the client’s case strategy and story in mind. I will drop my voice down an octave and slow my speech pattern down when I represent a man accused of domestic violence. I will ask slow boring questions to my witnesses to bore the judge to tears as he is forced to listen to hours and hours of banal testimony when my client is accused of losing his temper and lashing out. I will go up tempo and angry when a client is forced to suffer an indignity. I will hammer on certain words to make a point – my client in a 38-year marriage in which he put 7 children through college suffered the indignity of his wife putting his clothes in garbage bags and delivering them to my office. I repeat the phrase “garbage bags” over and over to remind the court of that slight. I try, however, wherever possible to be courteous to clerks, bailiffs and court reporters, to use self-deprecating humor in the courtroom, and to always work with opposing counsel.

I try to counsel people to try to do this process as peacefully as possible. We live in a world that reminds us daily of how hard things are: people get violent (I had a client get murdered in 2017 and it has stayed with me), people get crazy (more than once an opposing party has committed suicide), people get angry and bitter (some people hold on to rage for years) and people get sad and depressed. Please treat yourself and your ex-spouse with all the kindness you can muster. Family law and divorce does not have to be a war. It can be done with relative kindness that still gets you what you want and need. Be reasonable. Love your children. Remember that you are your children’s family forever, not just in their minority. Remember that they need a relationship with both parents and that a new lover will never be a substitute for their birth parent. But, you can still take a good strong position in the divorce, not get screwed over and be respectful, kind and reasonable with your ex-spouse. In fact, a little known fact of family law is that the reasonable person tends to win the divorce and ultimately to win the kids. This is your divorce. You have to leave it with your own sense of morality intact. Treat others and yourself with respect and care so that you can hold your head up high. I have never met a single person out of the thousands I have worked with who took a reasonable and good path through the divorce who was not able to be happy afterward. The ones who are miserable after their divorce are routinely the ones who viewed the divorce as a battle and fought and fought and fought their way through it to the bitter end.

One other thing to remember: high earners recover from divorce in about 18 months. Lower earners, if they are not prudent and smart, take much longer. If you are the one paying support, pay your support each month. Don’t mess around with it. You will be able to hold your head high, your children will appreciate you, and you will find another partner who will help you recover. You will be fine after you recover from the gut-punch that is that first support order. You will recover and rebuild and move forward. I wish you a peaceful divorce; one that is fair, reasonable, painless as possible, quick and that you never get taken advantage of in the process. That’s all we can hope for.